It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
