We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
