Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
