you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
