Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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