I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
