I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you win again, gameday.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
