i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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