"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
