party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
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well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
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Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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