Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
