you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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