also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize