a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
