My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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