Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
