Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
