508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
