You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
