You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
time to smoke my breakfast
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
