everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
3 2 1 whiskey
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
