Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
