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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
