i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
