Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
