See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
