ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
