I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
