You made me cry and you don't even care
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my shit smells like andre
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
