Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar