That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Randomize
