I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
