May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
