i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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