she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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