seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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