the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
