Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
