the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
