i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
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I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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