we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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