she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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