I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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