addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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