And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
