oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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