too bad you live with your parents still
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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