Pregnant stripper...not hot.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize