I want to make a zoo with you.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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