Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
