And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
