I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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