My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
