I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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