I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
