the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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