my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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