I heard we made out
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
