Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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