this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
