I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
