I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
