he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
