Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
