Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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