He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize