Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I deserve to be covered in dicks
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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