I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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