how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
