I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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