If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
