My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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