Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Damn victory sex feels great
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
