he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
