Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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